Grievers often believe that they are bound to their grief for life, as if grief was an unending condition or a permanent appendage. Our society teaches us that some losses are too hard, too deep, or too profound to ever get over. While there may be happy times, those moments are fleeting. Grief is our constant companion ready to drag us down again and again into darkness. The best we can do is to learn to live with the pain.
What this belief also implies is that grief has all the power, and that we must give up on the idea of our ever being happy again. We are taught to suppress our sadness, deny our feelings and act as if we are happy. As a result, grief accumulates and becomes a heavier and heavier burden.
There is a way out, however. Eleanor Roosevelt is often quoted as saying, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” In other words, grief cannot hold us in its grip, unless we give it permission to do so. Although it is not easy and can be scary, we can choose to cut the bonds that hold us tightly to our grief by replacing long-held unhelpful beliefs and strategies for dealing with grief with a new approach that allows us to heal and move on.
The Grief Recovery Method® teaches grievers how unhelpful cultural beliefs passed on from generation to generation can stymie grief recovery. These cultural beliefs also encourage us to avoid our pain rather than deal with it, thus leaving us in the tight grips of grief.
According to Russell Friedman and John James, the founders of The Grief Recovery Institute, “Unresolved grief is almost always about undelivered emotional communications that accrue within a relationship over the course of time.” It also is about those things we wished we had said or done differently and about unrealized hopes and dreams for the relationship. This method teaches grievers how to discover and complete undelivered emotional communications that accrue in relationships. By completing these communications, grievers learn how to let go of the pain of their grief and move on to a happier life.
Remember, it's never too soon to begin your recovery. Please call me. I can help.
James, J. W. and Friedman, R. 2009. The Grief Recovery Handbook (20th Anniversary Expanded Edition). Collings Living, New York, NY.
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